It’s Not Too Late & You’re Not Too Old with Dr. Ronda Beaman
Ever felt like it’s too late or you’re too old? If you answered yes, then this episode is for you. I don’t know if I’ve ever met someone with the same vibrant spirit and infectious enthusiasm for life as Ronda Beaman, a woman on a mission to help others die young as late as possible. Dr. Ronda Beaman is an internationally recognized expert on leadership, resilience, fitness, education, and life coaching. She is a national award-winning educator, an international Ted-X speaker, award-winning author, founder and executive director of the non-profit Dream Makers SLO, and the Chief Creative Officer for a global research and solution firm. This episode is full of wisdom I can’t wait to share with you!
In this episode, we’ll chat about:
How to stop wasting time and get out of our own way
Redefining old and growing young with the science of neoteny
Lessons learned at the end of life
Ronda grew up with what she describes as difficult parents. They had her when they were 17 and never really saw her. She knew at a young age that it just wasn’t going to work. She feels lucky to be one of those people who was born with a spirit that wanted to shine, but what was hard was getting over the early seeds that were planted telling her that she was nothing, that she wasn’t pretty, and that she wasn’t talented. It has been a lifelong struggle for her, and a lot of things she’s attempted in life were to overcome that. But, she’s come to believe that it’s the nastiest, darkest moments in your life when you have to decide, “Do I want to move forward, through, and up... or am I going to let life beat me down.”
“Here’s the deal. Life doesn’t care if you give up. It just doesn’t care. It keeps rolling without you, and you’re the one that has to care. Your parents aren’t going to care. Your partner is not going to care. You have to care.” - Ronda Beaman
STOP WASTING TIME
We waste so much time doubting ourselves and listening to the voices that tell us we aren’t enough, but nothing really brings that home like death and mortality.
We continue thinking about “someday” but the truth is that we are all one call away from bad news. The saddest story would be getting to the end of your life and regretting that you lived the wrong one. That you didn’t take the chance. That you didn’t move there. That you stayed with the wrong person.
Ronda encourages us to stop looking outside of ourselves for advice and ask ourselves what we’ll regret. If you can’t live with that regret, you have to do that thing.
Your brain is incapable of understanding your mortality. Ronda says it’s a gift from whoever you believe your creator to be. Your brain is like a puppy that does what you tell it to do, it’s your soul that is in charge. If you tell your brain you can’t do it and it’s too much for you, your brain will believe it. It’s up to us to use our soul, spirit, desire, and energy to program our human operating system.
IT’S NOT TOO LATE. YOU’RE NOT TOO OLD.
Remember, our brain is like a puppy that does and believes what we tell it. If you’re feeling trapped in a box, it’s time to untrap yourself from the box! People don’t think it’s that simple, but it is. It’s up to you to decide to want more for yourself.
Ronda shared a story of an 80-year-old woman she met named Pearl. Pearl shared that she wished she had gone to school and received her undergraduate degree but had six kids and life got in the way. Without skipping a beat, I’m sure, Ronda asked her, “Well, why not now?”
Pearl had never even considered the possibility of going back to school at 80 years old. By the time she finished, she would be 84! But as Ronda reminded her, time was passing anyway. Would she rather be 84 with a college degree or 84 without one?
Guess what? Pearl became a proud college graduate at 84 years young. Take that for a “Pearl” of wisdom!
Saying you’re too old or that it’s too late is an excuse because you’re afraid. You might be afraid you’ll fail, but Ronda says she’d be more afraid of regretting that she had not lived her best life.
Ronda shared examples of people in history that achieved incredible feats later in life and continued their work into their elder years, like Jane Goodall who in her nineties is still out in the jungle hanging with the gorillas. Or Colonel Sanders who didn’t start his chicken franchise Kentucky Fried Chicken until his 60s after being turned down countless times. Or Stephen King who submitted 112 rejected submissions of his first novel Carrie while living in a trailer until he finally got his first yes and the rest is history.
It’s not that your failed attempts aren’t working, they just might not be working YET.
REDEFINING OLD
Ronda shared the great science of neoteny that almost nobody knows about. It is translated as growing young. It’s the science that shows that we have the slowest development of any creature on the planet, yet we grow old because of socialized opinions of what we should do.
We are told not to have long hair after a certain age, or wear certain clothes, or do certain things.
All the childlike characteristics that we’re born with like wonder, curiosity, resilience, and amusement are our original birthday gifts. But life beats it out of you if you let it.
Studies show that around age 5 or 6 our creativity is off the charts, but by fourth grade it has taken a precipitous dip to below normal standards, and to make it worse it never comes back.
It starts at a young age while we are in school. We are taught to color in the lines, not behave a certain way, or talk out of turn. It carries on into adulthood and impacts even the most successful CEOs stifling their creativity.
So how do we overcome it? It starts at home. The public school system can’t be all things to all people, it is built to make everyone average. It’s up to parents to give their children opportunities to express themselves and their creativity outside of school. Ronda’s family was even named the Most Creative Family in America thanks to her efforts!
Ronda redefines O.L.D. like this…
O is for Outlook. How do you look at the world? Are you expecting good things? What is the lens through which you see things?
L is for Language. What are the words you say about what you can and can’t do? If you say it, it becomes real.
D is for Drives. What gets you up in the morning? What is your purpose in life? How are you contributing to the world?
Ronda wrote a book called You’re Only Young Twice: 10 Do-Overs to Reawaken Your Spirit that dives more into this work.
SELF CARE IS CRUCIAL
The way we heal the world is by healing ourselves first.
The only way we can have the energy to be creative, foster creativity in the younger generation, and show up to live a purposeful life is to take care of ourselves. We have to nourish ourselves, stay active, and make time to fill our own cups first, whatever that looks like for you.
For Ronda, one of those important things for her is alone time to herself to read, be silent, and recharge. That, and driving out to the woods with a People Magazine and a Butterfinger candy bar. Find things that feed your soul and spirit and make time for it. It matters more than you know.
Be your own best gift giver this season and give yourself the time and space that you need.
CHILDLIKE JOY DURING THE HOLIDAYS
Ronda thinks that one of the reasons people have children is to be able to relive their own childhood joy through someone else. But if you don’t have children? Doing something for someone else is where joy comes from. When you give, you get so much more back.
END OF LIFE LESSONS
Ronda founded a non-profit called Dream Makers SLO, a foundation granting final wishes to financially-challenged, terminally-ill adults. She likes to describe it as a bunch of good friends trying to do good things.
It started by gathering ten of her best friends at a coffee house and telling them about an idea that she heard in Santa Barbara. She showed them a video of a man who was dying of brain cancer who just wanted to dance at Disneyland with his daughter. They shut down the park and videotaped him dancing with her so that they could play it at her wedding after he passed. Ronda knew after watching it that she had to create opportunities like this for people in her own community, too. Her and her ten friends pitched in $100 each to get it started.
Dream Makers SLO has been alive for only four years and they've already made 33 dreams come true for patients 18 years or older with less than a year to live. Ronda said she could itemize the things she’s learned, but it all just reinforces one thing: we’re all in this together.
We’re all fragile, treat other people with as much kindness and respect as possible. We’re all we’ve got. If you have the bandwidth to reach out and make someone else's life a little better, you should do that. If everyone did that, we wouldn’t have the problems that we have today at all.
Of all the wishes they’ve made come true, nobody has asked for things. All they want is an experience with someone they love. It’s never about the stuff, it’s about the people and the memories we make with them. What a beautiful reminder, especially during this time of year.
HOW TO DREAM AGAIN
Ronda and I are natural-born dreamers, but dreaming doesn't come easy to everyone and many may have forgotten how to dream.
When you picture the things you love that you currently have (the house you have, job you chose, partner you chose, school you chose, etc.) being taken away from you and what you might have or do instead… it may actually increase your happiness or realize the dreams you have instead. It helps us be grateful for our current lives and is a great way to approach changing our perspective and find the good amidst our current situation and help us start dreaming a little more.
The lens at which you look at your life is powerful, try shifting it and begin imagining again. That just might be the first step.