5 Tips to Love Your Body Again
When I was five, I remember being so excited about a pair of hand-me-down platform shoes I got from a cousin. My dad thought they were hideous, but I didn’t care. I’d strut around the house in them and loudly sing in front of the hallway mirror like I was the next Britney Spears. Was I a good singer? Probably not. I mostly just annoyed the rest of the family, but it was fun! The only care I had in the world was doing what I enjoyed.
Think back for a moment to when you were a kid…
When we’re young, we live for the moment. We don’t worry what other people think, we just wear and do whatever makes us happy. If we’re tired, we sleep. If we have energy, we play. If we’re hungry, we eat. Sure, we may not think about long-term consequences and are likely to throw tantrums over silly things, but in this time before society and diet culture digs its claws deep into our minds, we just live our lives soaking in every moment and trusting ourselves to honor how we’re feeling.
But inevitably, while we’re still young and impressionable, we are slowly made to believe that what we are is not enough. We start noticing that we don’t look like the barbies and princess toys we’re playing with. We become hyperaware of how we look, not only in comparison to media, but in comparison to our friends and family too. We start questioning our choices and worrying about other people’s opinions more than we do our own. We lose sight of what really matters - our own relationship with and perception of ourselves.
I felt deep shame about my body and started seeking comfort in forbidden foods at a young age. As kids, we hear ads selling the latest diet program and overhear our parents and other adults talking about needing to lose weight. We’re taught that there are “good” foods and “bad” foods and start feeling guilt about the things we enjoy. I vividly remember hiding in my grandma’s back pantry on more than one occasion eating a bag of chips because I didn’t want to be caught with junk food.
Growing up, I constantly compared myself to my best friend who was thin, athletic, with perfect hair, and the cutest girly clothes. Meanwhile, as I struggled with my weight, I could no longer even shop in the kids or juniors section because I had outgrown all the sizes. All I wanted was to be able to shop in stores at the mall like PacSun and LimitedToo. When we went on shopping trips together for birthday parties, I quickly learned to just to look in the shoes and accessories sections because I knew at least those things would fit me.
At the age of 10, I went on my first official diet. It was the low-carb Atkins diet that I did alongside my parents. I desperately craved eating fruit, but was told that they were too sugary and would put me over my daily carb count. I was miserable the entire time. Once I finally lost the weight, I couldn’t wait to go back to normal. When I did, of course I wound up gaining all the weight back and more, thus beginning my 15-year-long battle with self-shame yo-yo dieting.
It’s heartbreaking to look back and notice how society steals away our joy and self-confidence at such a young age, only to replace it with insecurities and self-shame. In a world where we are constantly served ads and media skewing our perception of beauty, content glorifying impossible standards and making us feel less than enough… what would it look like to be the rebels that freed ourselves from diet culture? What if we chose radical self-love, instead?
I’d venture to guess we’d all love to do that.
To be able to wake up each day with nothing but love and appreciation for our lives and our bodies.
To be able to whole-heartedly embrace every part of our being, inside and out.
To be able to respect ourselves enough to keep our promises to ourselves, to show up when we say we will, and forgive ourselves when we don’t.
But self-love, although highly sought after, is easier said than done for most of us. As an avid advocate for self-love and body acceptance, one of the most common questions I get is… HOW? How do we love ourselves when most days just liking ourselves feels hard? How do we rebuild that relationship when we’ve been tearing ourselves apart for years? If radical self-love and body acceptance are the goal, but self-shame and judgement are so deeply ingrained within us, where do we even begin?
After embarking on my own journey back to self-love, going back to that 5-year-old version of me proudly wearing platform shoes and belting out Britney Spears in the hallway mirror for the hell of it, I’ve discovered a few things that have helped me along the way. Here are my five tips for loving yourself and your body again.
TIP #1: Care for your body by giving it what it needs.
When we stop respecting our body, we stop caring for it in a loving way. We become at war with it, feeling the need to punish it for being “wrong” by restricting food, passing up opportunities and social situations, and so on. One of the best ways to start loving your body again is to start caring for it like you do. Our bodies are basically house plants with more complicated emotions. Don’t forget to water it, feed it, and give it some sunshine. Hydrate your body and feed it foods that it enjoys that also make it physically feel good. Go outside and soak in the sunshine and breathe in some fresh air. We only get one body in this life. Take some time to nourish it well, even if it’s simply taking a long hot shower or gently moisturizing your skin with a delightfully scented lotion. Rather than holding onto resentment or disdain for it, let’s care for it like the precious gift that it is and give it what it needs to thrive and feel its best.
TIP #2: Move your body in a way that feels joyful.
Stop fixating on things you “should” do to make your body look more acceptable for societal norms. Don’t punish it with a run because you think you need to burn extra calories or join a gym just because it’s what people are “supposed” to do to be healthy. Do something because you actually enjoy doing it and how it makes your body feel! Think back to when you were a kid, what did you love to do just for fun? Play catch outside with your kids, take a walk on the beach, go kayaking, take a bike ride through town, or practice some sunrise yoga. Try out a zumba or kick-boxing class. Go for a swim, work in the garden, turn on a free YouTube dance workout video, or bust a move in your kitchen while cooking dinner. And if lifting weights in a gym or training for a marathon sounds rewarding and fun to you, then go for it! Exercise and movement isn’t a chore, it’s a privilege. Honor your body with joyful movement because you owe it to yourself to actually enjoy self-care instead of dreading it. If you love what you’re doing and how it makes you feel, you’ll start appreciating your body more in the process.
TIP #3: Wear clothes that make you feel good.
Treat your body like the queen that it is and dress accordingly! Whether your style is comfortable, practical, whimsical, eclectic, vibrant, modest, or one that pushes the boundaries of fashion, our clothes are a form of self-expression. If you’re feeling “blah” about yourself and your body, mix things up with your wardrobe so that you can leave your house (or stay at home) feeling confident in your clothes. Try out a new style, wear the crop top, sport a bold print, or accessorize with a fun new hat. Maybe even mix up your makeup routine, going fresh-faced or adding a bold lip color! Wear clothes that fit you instead of thinking that somehow wearing a tag with a smaller number (even if it’s far too tight and uncomfortable) makes you more acceptable. If you wear oversized clothes because you feel good in them, then by all means go for it! But, stop using clothes as a means to hide yourself away. Taking some time to mindfully dress yourself for the day is sending a signal to your mind that you care for yourself and your body.
TIP #4: Speak to yourself like a dear friend would.
The words we tell ourselves MATTER. While society has fed us lies that’ve fed our insecurities over the years, the truth is that most of us are our own worst enemies. We tell ourselves things we’d never dare tell someone else, especially not someone we love and care about. We catch a glimpse of ourselves in the mirror or a photo and fixate on every last flaw and imperfection, rather than appreciating all the ways it is good. Stop letting that inner mean girl tear you apart. Practice having awareness when it happens and call yourself out, putting that mean girl in her place and reminding her that kind of talk is no longer welcome here.
Things grow where energy flows. The more we give our energy to our negative self-talk, the more those thoughts and feelings grow like a weed in your garden. When you have a negative thought come up, ask yourself what a friend might say to you in that situation instead. Imagine what you would tell your loved one if they thought that way about themselves. The more we intentionally focus our energy on thoughts that celebrate our bodies, or even simply neutralize our bodies, the more those thoughts and feelings will grow too. Sometimes the first step to loving your body is to first be thankful that you simply have one. Once you’re appreciative of having a body, next you can practice thinking about the reasons you actually like it, and then eventually the ways you love it. Baby steps are key, even when it comes to “upleveling” our thoughts and the stories we tell ourselves.
TIP #5: Don’t expect yourself to love your body all the time.
None of us love our bodies ALL the time. We’re human and we all have bad body image days. Give yourself some grace and recognize that many of the thoughts you have about your body aren’t even your own. They were planted there by society and years of being immersed in diet culture. Those negative thoughts didn’t show up overnight and they won’t go away overnight either. Give yourself space to feel “meh” and know that none of us are perfect, and neither are our mind or body. Know that while learning to love your body again is a worthwhile effort, you my friend, are so much more than just a body. On the days when loving your body feels hard, remind yourself of all that you are beyond a physical being. Who are you at your core? In your relationships? In your personality? In your passions? In your strengths? In your heart? Our body, while a gift that deserves love and respect, is simply the home to something much more important -- our soul.
It’s never too late to start learning to love yourself and your body again. Relationships don’t heal overnight, not even the one we have with ourselves. Give yourself some time and focus on the small ways you can start working your way back to self-love and find the confidence you had as a child, before society, media, and diet culture got in the way. I hope these five tips will help get you started.
Sending so much love and encouragement your way. Now go love yourself!
Coach Kiah